I love you so much emmie. I dreamed about you a lot last night. There was massive destruction, bright lights and explosions, battle and pursuit - I was in the fray, but so were you, and I was constantly searching for you. It was a battle, but it wasn’t very violent, if that makes sense. No guns or other such modern instant-death-machines to close the gap between the weak and the strong and deprive the battle of its intimacy. Just a small number of fearless combatants using the strength and skill they’d personally acquired to defend and assail, with their own energy as their only weapon. Between foes of such caliber, it was more like an exchange of blows on a massive scale between two distinct and unified forces - a display of power and an effort to remain - where the thought wasn’t so much to kill the enemy, simply to match their power and hope to defeat them. So even though it’s always a possibility, death wasn’t very present except as a pre-existing aftermath, which made the fighting feel less like a dreadful necessity and more like a compelling challenge. It wasn’t childish rivalry or mutual greed that prompted the battle, but a simple “good vs evil” situation. They sought to destroy the world that we loved, so it was our unquestioned duty to protect it. Of course, battles like this don’t happen except in video games and anime shows (which may explain why such a scenario was playing out in my mind 😳 hehe). Either way you were there, and you were just as capable as myself. So I did not fear for your safety; I simply wanted to have you by my side during this time of trouble. I wanted to let you know that I was okay, that you still had my love and my trust, but I sought you out for your support just as much as I sought to support you. It may sound silly, but it was truly an epic scenario, which was nothing but real at the time. I see it as a symbol of our partnership in the real world, as we struggle together against the forces that aim to bring us down and strive to protect the things that we care about however we can. So, silly as it sounds, it was beautiful to me. You’re so precious to me, my love, and I’m so grateful to have a partner like you. Hope your day is going wonderfully.

texts from baby, mine forever

Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. Time and distance blur the edges; then suddenly the beloved has arrived, and it’s noon with its merciless light, and every spot and pore and wrinkle and bristle stands clear.

Margaret Atwood, from The Blind Assassin  (via violentwavesofemotion)